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The Convocation/Story 2
Part 2 ' "Can we get back to the main point of this damned meeting?! Just a few minutes of your time, then we can all go back to our homes?!" James Bradley roared, an impressive thing that he used in court to get everyone's attention. Here, the effect was mixed- most of the people here were battle-hardened ( especially that infernal Katyusha ) , and so they paid barely any attention. But it was still enough. "Fucking bastards," James muttered to himself, before slamming a fist on the table, trying to catch everyone's attention- including those damned beings that called themselves Gods. "No, we can not until you calm the hell down." Vermi said droppjng a match on the whiskey covered table igniting it. "Yeah, you seem under a lot of stress, James-san." Solar!Issei commented worriedly. "What he needs is to stop drinking and act more human, seriously...oh, Solar!Issei, the kids woke up from James." Goji said as he made his way over to the woken up children. "Damn it all." Solar!Issei cursed to himself and went to move, until he felt Suu hold him in place, "Suu, I have to go to the kids." "Let the other one handle them." The Supernatural World said as she snuggled closer to her Visitor, "I still want to cuddle with Visitor-dear." "Damn it, Suu. This isn't the time." "I, agree." Ophis said adamantly, "This is not the time." "I dunno, maybe because it's the fact that no one is doing anything anymore!" the lawyer cried out, before stifling his half-psychotic cries. "Goddamn it... As a lawyer, I like order. This... this is not order. We had a fight, not to mention people blasting their powers at each other every five seconds." As he said this he gave a dark glare at Demon!Raynare, Demon!Issei, Goji, and Hadrian. Katyusha folded her hands neatly across her lap. Suu had been pulled off of her Visitor by Hel as she somehow got her talking about why Suu wanted to stay with Issei, allowing the God to escape and help Goji with the children. Sona, who had been at Ophis's side for sometime, spoke up again "Momma? Why is everyone being mean?" "Unfortunately," Ophis began with a bored sigh, "I, do not know, little devil. Perhaps we will find out soon." "Men," Katyusha sighed. "They can be the worst at times." "Hey, what did I do?" Solar!Issei asked, a bit surprised and offended from the older woman's comment, with Goji following his lead. "She meant James, I think..." Goji said as he knelt next to a tearful Koneko. "As with any army, the Serbian Army is made up of men," the General said, her green eyes glazing over with memory as the Bane of Kosovo began to recount her war stories, "and what do you think a man wants when he is away from home, conscripted into the army for the necessary six months of combat? All you men do is think with your cocks, which is why you have those large harems." Most of Gojira's creations looked at the soldier in anger, they were only one girl guys. "...You're making a ''lot ''of assumptions right now." Solar!Issei commented, "For one thing, in my Universe, it's the ''older women who have a fetish with me, not the other way around. In fact, Cao Cao called me a cougar's prey or something. Or a bait for Mrs. Robinsons." Upon hearing her Visitor say the last sentence, Suu stopped her one-sided conversation with Hel and turned to look at Issei, who quickly stopped her without even looking at her. "And no, I'm not calling you Mrs. Robinson, Suu." He firmly stated, earning a pout from the manifested world. Releasing another sigh, Solar!Issei set his sights to Katyusha. "Please don't assume that every man in this restaurant are the same, when you don't even know all of them as individuals. And plus, I'm sure a lot of us don't really know you as a person either, so it wouldn't be fair to really judge you." There was no disrespectful tone in the Solar God's voice, and he tried to keep his tone as neutral as possible. "Then again," He began rather quietly, "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about." "My own experiences," said Katyusha, giving the Solar God a small smile, "were not as traumatic as poor Karina's and her "followers." Because men are men, there was plenty of harassment. A crueller training regimen. Deployment to the most dangerous areas in Serbia, fighting the Kosovoans. There was one colonel who especially hated me- assigned me at the last minute to a squad that was going to make an assault on a dug-in Kosovar tank. That particular squad had lost its commanding officer and more than half its men trying to take down the tank- a testament to Belgrade's stupidity and incompetence in dealing with Kosovo." "God," Claire muttered. "It must have been terrible..." "It was," Katyusha agreed, before continuing with her war story. "And because I was the sole woman there, they sent me out on the first fireteam." "We must have made 500 yards before the tank opened fire. The commanding corporal had the RPG; he was shot in the face, brain matter splattering everywhere. The rest found cover, began firing. I was green, fresh-faced from the camp, thinking I could kill every single one of those damned Kosovoans because I was young." The general sighed. "I know better now." "Heh... I remember my first kill. Such a nostalgic feeling." Cohen sighed, appearing out of nowhere. "I was just 7-years old. Ripped that bitch's face after she tried to molest my sister. I even forget why I did it, it was cathartic..." "Cohen-san?!" Solar!Issei exclaimed in surprise. "The Devil," Katyusha intoned formally, but too stiff. "It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lord Lucifer, no matter how many versions of you there may be." "The only ones who deserve the title of Lord Lucifer is Lord Vali and my predecessor Lord Sirzechs, I'm just the cheap imitation taking lead of what they build. Just kidding." Cohen said with a mischievous grin, shrugging and taking a sip of coffee(even as a devil and an Alastor, too much alcohol wasn't good). "Call me Cohen, and nice to meet you too, darling." James groaned. "You know how much I fucking hate that bitch?" "What bitch?" Willis said, waving his phone around. "There's a ton of them around here. Be careful who you're insulting, lol, one of Gojira's creations is going to destroy you for insulting their moral Mary Sue superiority, lol...." "Yeah. I hate that bitch too." Cohen said out loud. "So where've you been, Cohen-san?" Solar!Issei asked curiously, "I almost thought you'd died like Freed did." "Oh Y'know, the usual stuff." Cohen waved a hand at the solar Issei. "Doing some papers, spoiling my wife, making sure that my friend Mary remembers she's the silver medal, and trying to make sure my daughters are clean and proper... Specially Berolina, she's my favorite." "Oh." Solar!Issei said before he gave the Devil a small smile, "So you've got a pretty good life then." "I'm honored for you calling it such." Cohen smiled. "Takumi-chan is probably also having his time with Lilith and Kunou. Good kid, he needs it." Cohen laughed it off with the God, but then his expression soured a little. "Everythinf is great except for my daughter's boyfriend. He's so stuck-up. I tried to take him to a brothel, but he refuse. Can you believe that? And with the owner's daughter nonetheless. He's a... Strange guy." "Hmm." Solar!Issei hummed as he tapped his chin, "Maybe he's only willing to see your daughter, and only your daughter. If that makes sense." "Maybe, maybe. But he's also such a stud with the ladies~. He has a wife, a husband, a Human GF, my cute daughter, my best friend's daughter, Lord Phenex's daughter and he even tried to have sex with the Gremory's maid." Cohen said with a pout and touching the tips of his fingers, clearly a little shaken, much for the God's surprise. "As so, Lord Issei, he probably a little too indecisive. Plus, my wife likes the idea of him having a harem. Y'know, my universe's version of you is known as the Harem King!" "Really?" The Solar God said in interest, "He must have a lot of women around him then. Hope he can handle it." "He's a good kid, even when he goes all emo and character development has to beat him like Mary used to beat me. He's weak as hell, but he's powerful, if that makes any sense." Cohen replied, despite the fact his metaphor wouldn't make much sense. Then, his eyes Turned somber. "I'm actually feel sorry of how many girls he has as for now. Female Alastors have almost peerless sex-drives, even those who genes are minimal, and one of his wives is a fox, and you know how 'greedy' they can be." He took a sip from his cup of coffee. "Fortunately, he's a dragon, those always do the job done." "Their drives are that powerful, huh?" Solar!Issei replied, feeling a bit sorry for his other self, before he shrugged, "Well, Dragons are created from large masses of energy, so he should be fine. Hey, let me ask you something. Honestly. Do you think there should be a limit for the number of women in a harem?" "No, of course not. After the Great War and some events, harems are only limited to one's soul and body. We needed more Devils." Cohen smirked and winked. "However, now in a time of peace, people can settle dowN to four or five. Now, for humans, I think three or four are enough. Takumi-chan agrees with me." Speaking up for the first time in ages Karna asked a question. "Uh, Mr. Cohen did you have a harem?" He asked curiously from his chair across the room. "Yep!" Cohen declared proudly, but then his expression soured a little. "But then I impregnated my wife when I was around 13, and since I didn't want Nemesis to inherit my surname, I became a Satan around when I was 18. To be fair, the 'harem' part was because we were very close and they were all girls... Except Alice, we jumped beyond that at 13." "Wh-what!? 13!? Isn't that a bit too young!?" Karna asked in shock of this discovery. "That," James said, heartily agreeing with the son of Indra, "is really fucked up." "It was a different time! Everybody thought we were all going to die, I was a child soldier who could've died at any moments, and trust me, puberty hit Alice like a truck." Cohen declared Defensively. Not that he was ashamed about his family, but he needed context for his actions, otherwise. "At least Nemesis grew up healthy and happy... She would watch classes with Alice and is a genius because Of that. We had Berolina when I was about 20 years, and since then, we're a happy family." "...Huh. I guess it all works out in the end when you put it that way." Solar!Issei commented, "Although a part of me admires but envies you and my other self for being able to handle all those women. I mean I can only handle two of them, and that's Ophis and Suu. And I'm just getting used to the second one." Both women flashed him a smile, with the Ouroboros Dragon's smile being sly, and the woman-shaped world's being smug and knowing as she blew him a kiss. Solar God!Issei sighed as he shook his head. "Maybe in a couple of years, " He mused before looking back at Cohen, "I can adjust." "Well, that's nice to have a happy family even with such a dark time." Karna said a bit cheerfully. "Do, you ever miss your harem Mr.Cohen or is your wife enough?" Andrew walked up to Hadrian at this moment and asked "Is the Devil world really that messed up?" Hadrian nodded with disgust "Yes, yes it is." Andrew looked sad and thoughtful "No wonder Aunt Sona and Aunt Rias didn't want to be in that world unless they needed to be." Andrews Pawn, a vampire named Yuuki, said "Your world has really become as dark as they say. Such a shame, it was so glorious during Lucifer's reign." "My wife is better than any harem, thank you very much." Cohen stuck his tongue out, a little offended by the demI-god's implication. "Has all the assets of one combined. Have you any idea about the weight of an K-cup? I do..." "There's a K-CUP?!" Solar!Issei exclaimed. "Sorry, for offending you." Karna said apologetically "And no I don't. But, how much does a K-cup weigh Mr.Cohen?" "I have to second that motion," James agreed, adding his hefty voice to the train. "Claire may only be a B-cup, but she makes up for it with killer cooking, and a nice ass to boot. She's also the mother of my children..." " Breasts are nice whatever the sizes, my wife's just happens to be 103cm. B-cups are also nice, I bet they didn't almost kill one of your daughterS." Laughed the demon Lord, remembering a funny tale between Alice, Nemesis and rhe former's breasts. "My wife rather stays at home and take care of the Gremory house, Lucrezia is the one who does the cooking. Also, hips are 92!" Gojira snarled '''"That's enough, no more talk about the female anatomy!' "Goji shutmup. Let the characters talk." Vermj said in a bored but, annoyed tone towards Goji. "Oh, Gojira." Solar!Issei commented, "Haven't heard from you in a while. Where'd you go?" "James is right. I am ''the mother of his children," Claire said, for once not trying to slap or harm her husband. "I assume that Lord Lucifer knows the joys, as well as pain, of raising children as well?" "Yes. Even when one of your children hates your guts because you're an extra devil." Cohen smiled bitterly. "I mean. Yes, the alastors are pretty humble for such a clan, but I can't blame her. Nemesis was also a pain to raise, specially since, well, I was 14 when she was born. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Well... I was actually excepting a boy, hense the boyish name..." Andrews Demon queen pawn said "Nemesis is the name of a goddess" "What did you do to become a Lucifer Mr.Cohen? Cause so, far but, no offense you don't seem that powerful." Karna said a bit nervous of offending him. "Yeah. As one Lord of the Underworld to another, what did you do? You talk as if Issei died- good riddance, by the way." James said, interested. "Because his Issei is dead" Hadrian said, remembering seeing Cohen's memories. "Oh, one less person to worry about." Karna said in an eerily cheerful tone. The three other Issei's looked murderous at that comment. "He wasn't with father's plan. He has no use in my eyes." Karna said in a serious tine before turning back to Cohen. "Mind telling us your tales of war?" Everybody says this, but mainly I know how to use my powers." cohen said as a scorpion tail emerged from under his cape and his hand turned into a claw. "I'm actually an exception between the Alastors. What did I do to become a Lucifer... Beat the shit out of my childhood friend, who became the Beelzebub. I became Alice's bodyguard when I was around 6, Lord Millicas seeing my 'potential' or something, the 666(Trihexa) broke loose and since we didn't got Any Gojira's or Lawyers to solve this, I had to go to war with some other fellows when I was around 12. When you know what to do in a war, it kinda becomes a walk in a park. Then Issei-sama Merges with GR and ripped 666 to bits. End of him, end of 666, and the rest is history." "Hey, what the hell was that?!" James said, looking at Cohen Lucifer with consider able outrage. "My job is to get paid for arguing with other dipshits like me and hoping to God that I win. Christ, you make me sound like one of Gojira's Mary Sues..." Gojira growled '"And so the memory of your hero is dragged through the dirt and forgotten... You disgust me'' Just kidding, just kidding. To be fair, If I had half of your intelligence, I could've become Lucifer sooner." Cohen laughed apologetically, tilting his head to a side and seeing again the Takumi boy adjusting his clothes. He theN returned to the others. "So, not much, but that's my story." That sounds like it must have been such a sight to see. And I'm a child soilder as well." Karna said with a bit of pride in his voice before shaking his head. "So, did you ever meet your Issei or just see him do that?" "I saw him from afar. Alice would be spoiled rotten by his children, though." "Anyway," said the lawyer, raising a finger in question, like he often did in court, "Where I come from, Trihexa is the primordial force of chaos and destruction. It took God and the Archangels a hell of a fight to beat it up. The Great Red and Ophis couldn't shit on the Darkness, and God and the Archangels barely did, and God's dead. So how in the name of Michael did Issei combine with the Red and kill the Darkness?!" "I dunno?" Cohen shrugged. "The power of oppai?" "Do what the Greek gods did to their father Kronos?" Andrew suggested. "Alright, kid, that works," James agreed. It seemed that not all of Gojira's creations were holier-than-thou dumbasses. There was hope for the Absolute Crimson Destroyer yet... "So, get eaten then vomited out after that being cut into a thousand pieces?" Karna questioned. "The odd people out," Katyusha muttered, looking dreamily at her sister. "The few humans among the ranks of the damned and the powerful." "Oh, stop being such a goddamned siscon," James groaned, slapping the shoulder of the Bane of Kosovo, who, despite having all her features arraigned perfectly in a smile that Akeno Himejima would have approved, had nothing but utter contempt for her sister's husband at this point. "Anyway," the lawyer said, grabbing a fresh bottle of La Mission Haut Brion and popping the top off, before turning tp face the various 'Gods' that floated around ( or in Vermi's case, sat ) in the restaurant at the end of the universe, "why the hell are your creations mostly teenagers? We've got a few notable exceptions here- aside from myself, Katyusha, Willis, and Claire, we've got Suu, Lord Cohen, that dumbass Hel, and an adult Ophis- but that's fucking it. Is there like a fetish with teenagers or something?!" "I must agree," James Bradley's wife said, who was currently engaged in the process of coordinating her servants' efforts to create a steady supply chain to wash and clean the dishes that were being used by the people sitting at the table. "Once we were all teenagers, true, and in Cohen's case, he had go to war. But it seems strange to entrust so much power... the fate of the Universe, even... to a teenager." Claire shivered, remembering Issei's perversions. "Oh, that doesn't need to be answered, Claire-weggy," Willis said lazily, who had by now switched over to play ''Clash Royale. "It's because however well-written they are, the teens are just basically Issei inserts. However, a good ''insert like Ichijou is, well, good, while the crappy inserts like Goji Sperry, Hadrian Legion, and that god-awful Demon!Issei..." Willis shivered too as he contemplated the bad writing that had happened. Claire rolled her eyes. "Oh, stop that! Goji and Hadrian and that Demonic Issei are good people!" "They may ''seem like good people," the tax lawyer said lazily, "but they just can't stop shoving their might down other people's throats, can they?" "Stop it, stop it right now!" Claire said, her face going red. "This is unacceptable! Stop this at once!" "well, In my case, my story is more or less a 'coming of age' tale. Y'know, character development and all that stuff, so having teenager characters is kinda justifiable." Cohen coughed a little. "Plus, its not like my story hasn't an adult's point of view. But I'll make sure Ichijou-kun knows he's appreciated." "I guess that's true," Willis agreed. "If you gotta say, mine's kinda like a modern-day ''To Kill A Mockingbird. ''Or at least, that's what my Creator wanted it to be. Incorporates themes of racism, prejudice, bigotry, as well as the mess of court systems that aren't impartial anymore. Pretty left-leaning if you ask me, but it's alright." "...Sounds rather boring for such a world." Karna said bluntly before drinkingnsome water. "That is just my honest thoughts though." "Well, in its defense, it's that, with supernatural stuff going around. Not to mention slight alternate history- Kosovo never succeeds in its war of independence, because ol'Katyusha defeated 'em and forced Pristina to surrender." "It was not me!" the Bane of Kosovo shouted from the kitchens, and her impressive voice, honed from a decades' worth of screaming over artillery fire and explosions, carried out. "It was the entire motherland, contributing to the defeat of those Kosovoans! I was only the tip of the spear!" "Yeah, yeah, yeah," Willis said. "Coming from a war criminal, that's nice. "She seems like a nice person for a war criminal." Karna said while pulling out a knife and carving into the table with it. "Everything in a war is criminal and horrendous, lord Karna. But only the winner side can claim it as justifiable." Cohen muttered with a smile, while also pushing the table to himself so his fellow guest would stop carving the table. "Also, I know about our host's power, but please don't do that." "Well, not really," Willis said, to answer Karna's question, while also taking in Cohen's suggestion with a grain of salt. As a civilian, Willis Japhon had no stomach for war. "But the Hague wanted her for the Battle of Mertica, that's why." "Mertica's this place in eastern Kosovo, one of the rebels' strongholds. Katyusha apparently strolled in with two battalions- half the strength of the Serbian 4th Brigade- and tanks and stuff, and besieged Mertica for five days. Yet the Kosovars wouldn't give up, so she ordered "no quarter" and charged the place. Problem was, the Serbian Army ended up killing a bunch of civilians, too, along with practically the entire rebel garrison. They say that was one of the most instrumental battles of the Serbian-Kosovo War. Opened a hole right into the heart of Kosovo..." "But it came at the cost of civilian lives. Douchebag," Willis said, going back to play Clash Royale on his phone. "Considering that your girlfriend started the Black Plague," Angel!Raynare gently nudged her fiance, "that would be bigotry, as those overpowered Mary Sues keep saying." "Well, you repented! Katyusha keeps acting like those Kosovars were beneath her notice." "Repenting doesn't mean everything. The stench of the crime still hangs around you like a fog that never seems to go away... Karna looked down and noticed what he was doing. "Cr-crap! Sorry, Mr.Cohen thanks for telling me. Very sorry lawyer person." Karna said apologetically before putting his knife away. "I think father's soilders have done worse than that." Karna pondered.